Basically been going threw some pretty heavy stuff , did not see a lounge or BS thread to talk about off topic stuff but think I need somewhere to talk to normal people unaffiliated with my life.
Basically after 12 years my other half (her name is Denise) left me, I knew things had drifted apart as of late but did not expect her to do that. I want to blame the fact that we took in her troubled nieces and nephew on top of our 3 kids, part of me wanted to blame it our disabled child stressing us out and really I wanted to blame her but I can’t.
Honestly it’s on me I failed as a man, I might have been a provider by working but I did not treat her the way I should have the way a man should treat a woman and in turn I lost her.
Now I have lost my best friend and I have no one to blame but myself. I have so many questions for her about the events leading up to this but I know I might not want to know some of these answers. So far I have kept it civil because if I do anything then I fear she will take my kids back to Texas and I literally lose everyone, it’s just really killing me inside.
I apologize to the mods if I am out of line posting this stuff here, I just have history with some of the old full30 guys and really feel like I am losing it. If there is a private area that I missed feel free to move this thread.
We went out to eat and talk about stuff. She is a good woman , and a great mother that I have nothing bad to say about really I failed her not the other way around ,it took me a few days to take a hard look at myself and realize that.
I think this is the first time I hold no anger over a break up ,maybe I am just getting older or maybe this woman just meant so much more to me than the others and gave me so much more with my family and 12 years that I found to be overall wonderful.
Sometime’s you’ve got to look at yourself and what your doing without rose colored glasses on. Probably one of the hardest things you go through in life. That, and recognizing the warning signs. I say that from personal experience.
All these things need to be said to her of course, the heartfelt things that are frankly in to short supply in society, good on you for putting it out there even if you missed the mark with finding
So that’s the place to start, confess these things to her, tell her she’s the treasure in your life
Then of course, if its true, you need to be patient and work on your shortcomings as you believe may have contributed.
On the other hand it may be you are not so much to blame as thought and she may not be so innocent, IDK, but people are people and couples do split.
I myself was previously married, 10 years, the marriage itself was not bad either and no blame can be placed for the divorce, however, when God closes a window He opens a door, I’d not go back if I could.
What I mean to say is do not swallow the blame (guilt) pill to quickly
God may have use for you as of yet unknown or imagined and He may need things to be rearranged.
What you did here is healthy, good job, keep going, take each day as it comes, don’t get or take things ugly, put out good vibes
The BS’in thread is also good for any and all things but this sideline works and may be a little more private for you.
Sorry to hear all that but, @Robert is right look beyond the Now to the Tomorrow, if she dont reconcile then look to the next chapter .
I am gonna say a prayer for you bud. Believe me we all have went through stuff like this. Keeping it civil is the best approach and I think it shows yohr maturity and grace in all of it. Even if you feel responsible, Tell her how you feel and from there only God knows how things may work out.
Dont beat yourself up too much it takes 2 to tango.
I blame myself because now that I got a slap in the face like this I can see clearer I see where she tried for a long time to bring us together and really made an effort while I basically brushed off her feelings and ignored how she felt. I don’t how many times she said she wanted to go out or she wanted flowers more often or she wanted to go on a trip or get married…I just kept procrastinating and shutting her down. She is a beautiful woman I should’ve took her out and been happy to have her by my side. I blame myself because it is on me 100% , had I been a man about it I would have taken care of my business instead of making excuses. I would not blame her at all if she found another man , She deserves someone who treats her right and makes her happy. I have to eat this but I really think losing her will make me a better man it just hurts so fucking bad.
Now your getting to know who you really are, what you need ( not just want ), and what you have to do ( and be ) too make that happen. Pain is clean, cuts through any misconceptions. You’ll figure it out.
Sorry to hear sir, Life can be tough sometimes. my poor wife is slowly dying from dementia. a horrible thing to watch them go through. maybe yall can work it out sometime. you should start by dying that red hair. you know how you redheads are.
I’m happy you put that out there, not happy its happening but you too need to do what Joe is doing and be able to breath a bit more, part of that is just stop holding your breath, let it out, find others also have painful experiences, allow them and yourself to share, I’m sorry she’s going through this and that you are as well.
Often one of the most painful things a man can do, the stranger in the mirror you want to snatch up and rail on for what he’s done to you
We hope, truth is we’re surrounded by meaningless BS that occupies our time and thoughts, distracts us from a single reality, blinds us, but yes
Exactly, why does such an evil portray such a message?
it makes no sense, meanwhile those who we lift up as good crash down, fall, let us down too.
Is there even a difference between four guys from Birmingham who sing secular music and preachers who build big followings in the name of Christ then get caught in sin?
When I say pain is clean; it has no conscious, no will of it’s own. Pain is a symptom or a consequence of something not right. It certainly cuts to the core and wakes you up. I’d rather be awake.
Maybe being a man is the problem. lots of society spends lots of time explaining why you shouldn’t do what you do instead of telling them what to expect from a man.
In time they will be thrilled with a man that doesn’t live by emotion, that time ain’t yet I imagine.
I too find myself very logical , it drives my wife insane. But being logical sometimes can take away from feelings and niceness . We men tend to do that I find myself having to take a moment to be nice show love etc…
But conversly many years ago a woman was not selfish and didnt expected it all the time.
He worked made a living She kept house ,made meals now everything is all screwed up…
I appreciate you guys taking the time to listen and offer advice it means a lot to me. It’s been a very shitty last couple of weeks, but it’s even shittier when you don’t have anyone to talk with.
